UNFORTUNATELY........ I LOVE YOU.......

I love it when you stare into my eyes.
That relentless inescapable trance you trapped me in.
Those eyes, for which a thousand poems would not suffice, enslaved me till eternity.
Those lovely beady pearl like eyes of yours.
Staring at me.
Is that love i see in your eyes?
No...i see something else elusive lurking, behind those beady pupils of yours.
Why? Are you scared?
Don't you trust me?
I know, now its hard to exercise that word on me after what i did, but i did it for you.
You never listened to me. I was always concerned for you, but you always thought i was overreacting.
This time i did what i thought was right.
I beat him up really bad. I broke his arm and almost punctured his lungs.
He is still alive and is lucky to be so.
He won't dare venture into your life again. I have taken care of him.
If he bravely but foolishly does so, next time, i will just have to kill him.
I am not overreacting this time. I did it for your good.
He is harmful for you. He took so many things from you and never gave anything in return.
He took your time, your smile, your thoughts and even managed to take you from me.
I couldn't allow that to happen.
You belong to me.
You love me right? I hope you do.
He doesn't know that. Or does he?
He cant love you more than i do. Can he?
I couldn't just stand there and watch you depart from my life so fluently.
I was pained.
Thats why i beat him up.
I derived immense pleasure in doing so, in the process.
But your reaction was so uncalled for.
Why did you slap me?
It wasn't your slap that hurt. Your tears, that followed, did.
You shed tears for him? Did you have feelings for him??
For that opportunist?
You must be kidding me. He deserved what he got.
He had no rights to take you away from me. He had no rights to get close with you.
He had no rights to put his arms around you in the first place.
Even further, I was devastated to see you flirting with him and eventually kissing his greedy lips the other day. You shared your lips which i was hoping to relish, with him?
How could you do this to me?
In what way was i inferior to him making me less a man than he was??
You knew very well that he was just flirting with you, using you.
To give you more reasons he drank regularly, up till his nose.
Smoked pot more than often and once even on your date!!
Even picked up a girl or two from pubs.
You knew all that.
Why are you attracted to imperfection when i, the perfect guy for you, was waiting, desperate for your love?
Why is it that you were prepared to compromise your life with adulterated beings while you had a pure entity waiting for you in the wings, waiting patiently to sacrifice his whole life for you?
Is your love so elusive and unobtainable? Or am i the undeserving?
Do i have to start off with all those habits, that he epitomizes, for you to just notice my very existence?
If i had to, i would have. All you had to do was tell me.
You cared two hoots for my persistence.
I was so upset i didn't sleep for a week.
I hated you for it. I blamed him for me hating you.
He faced my wrath.
Were you expecting me to stay quiet? I hope you weren't.
You had awakened the beast inside me. He had met it.
Here i am, by your bed side, crying, still in love with you.
Holding your hands and dreaming. Wishing things had been different. Pleasant.
Here you are, still staring at me.
Voila! Those beautiful eyes.
Your eyes seem to be seeing right through me.
Ok now you are making me feel guilty.
My conscience is biting away my confidence.
Am still not sorry for what i did but now that your eyes have complained, i am a bit.
Please don't make me feel like a sick soul. This is tough for me.
I came over to make you understand but....
I tried my best to explain but....
You slapped me, quite hard. I was struck, with disbelief.
Your reprimands infuriated me. Then came your words, the last straw.
I am just your friend? Is that what you said? And thats all i will ever be?? is it?
You meant it didn't you?
Every word of it.
You killed my hopes and wrecked my dreams in a second.
That too without giving it a second thought. Without weighing my feelings for you nor imagining the devastation my life would sustain.
I have come this far for being your friend?
You are so very wrong. I can never think of you just as a friend. You were something much more than that from the very beginning. You were my only hope, in these many years of futile existence, for a happy life ahead.
There have been days when i imagined a life, with you as my better half.
Now all those dreams were to sink unnoticed into the deepest abyss?
Is that all you think of me? You still want that bastard?
You do?
Yes?
Yes.
You prefer imperfection in your life and perfection at bay.
Well then you cant blame me for what i have done.
I hated you after that, my mind was clouded with despair, anger escalated.
My blood boiled and my emotions shot up, requiring a suitable reaction.
Your kitchen gave me an opportunity and you, a reason.
Thats why i slit your throat with the knife and watched you die, slowly.
I was overwhelmed with relief while your blood soaked my shirt. I was elated when you clutched my collar and fell into my arms quietly, dying.
If you weren't mine then you shouldn't be someone else's.
I enjoyed watching you suffer to death, though you suffered only a fraction less than the turmoil i had been through.
You suffered till your last breath. I watched your every struggle, every movement.
Eventually your body gave up.
Your eyes, first filled with horror, disbelief, then calmly stared at me.
Accusing me sedately i thought.
In vain again.
I stared back into your eyes. Smirking.
This was the best solution. The only way i could satisfy myself was by watching you die rather than watching you in his arms, with me dying a slow death then.
Like he stole you from me, i stole you from him.
Sweet revenge.
Now you weren't his. Will never be his. But....
now you weren't mine either.
Realization struck. Late.
Too late.
God what have i done?
I have just mercilessly killed the love of my life.
I drowned myself in tears when i realized what i had done.
I would be prisoned, prosecuted and probably hanged till my tongue sagged.
But what would kill me before that would be the fact that i won't be able to see you again.
Your eyes.Your smile.Your touch. Your memories. Your wriggles before you died. Your stare.
What happened was impulsive.
Madness reigned in that moment in which i lost myself and eventually you.
My love.
I hated you in that moment of unforgivable insanity but i soon realized that, despite what you had did, deep within my heart, sincerely, though unfortunately, i still loved you.
I knew i was too late but the truth is I still loved you.
Will always like ever.
Till death relieves me.
By Hallaay.